urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar Peal My Layers malkaseastar 2007-03-27T09:28:34Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:7513 2007-03-27T09:28:34Z 2007-03-27T09:28:34Z i haven't been on here is such a long time. its funny. i totally forgot about it. and now that ive found it again...who knows what will happen. hahaa. i dont know. ive never gotten really into live journal i dont know why. maybe i dont know enough people on here. or maybe not that many people care about my thoughts. anyways, its late and considering i never sleep i should probably try too. alright. good day. good night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:7389 2006-04-15T00:46:22Z 2006-04-15T00:52:30Z Interesting events caused by interesting people make me smile brighter and bigger than you could ever.<br /><br /><img src="http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a37/PaperCuts000/IMG_6705.jpg" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:6986 2005-04-07T05:30:00Z 2005-04-07T05:30:00Z i cant stand feeling a lack of connectnesss...<br /><br />i may just swallow my vomit...<br /><br />maybe it will coat the hateful words that want to spill out into the dirt<br /><br />i cant help but wonder what this really means to you...<br /><br />im left feeling discarded...<br /><br />i want my shoes...<br /><br />i could run a million miles and still be blue...<br /><br />i think i may just puke on you...<br /><br />i hate those eyes the way they pick and pull...<br /><br />your lips heal those cracks i long to cure...<br /><br />thank you for everything when all you have done is nothing....<br /><br />peotry and mental development @myspace.com<br /><br />reality has left the building and im still dirty*<br /><br />Silently Awaiting the WOrlD*** urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:6878 2005-03-14T10:12:04Z 2005-03-14T10:12:04Z I want to press my body up to yours like glass to the world<br />Spread your eyes open like two angel wings<br />Shield me from this lonely existence<br />That I pray to better understand<br />Don’t pry at my empty soul<br />There’s a big metal lock chained around my heart ready to be enclosed<br />I watched you from a distance <br />I’m familiar with your kind <br />Spread your wings over my eyes<br />And ill watch you fly urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:6430 2005-02-22T02:25:38Z 2005-02-22T02:25:38Z awakening to the soul urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:6393 2005-01-26T22:45:55Z 2005-01-26T22:45:55Z i truly care about you, with every waking breathe, <br />i try to breath love in your direction. <br />you make everything so clear its almost sickening to take in all at once.<br />But thats how it should be <br />clear and direct<br /><br />ive dreampt about you my whole life<br />and now that ive found you theres no way in hell im letting go<br />we can make anything happen<br />were fucking UNSTOPABLE<br />whatever road blocks choose to fall in front of us, i know you'll be able to pick me up and together step right over them.<br />i just hope you see how much i care. <br />words can only begin to try and explain how i feel.<br />i just hope you feel the same. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:6114 2005-01-17T05:05:32Z 2005-01-17T05:05:32Z and as the world pasted her by she began to see the true colors in peoples eyes....mistakes make people...ill try to build my walls higher and my ground lower.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:5728 2004-12-21T08:19:06Z 2004-12-21T08:19:06Z im in your mind, body and soul...i feed off your dreams and im not done creating what has decayed over time...watch me disappear into the sunset...watch your garden die and wilt into shit...you are what you eat...so dont be scared when your daddy comes to pick at your heart...beware of the broken thoughts and when you misuse my name ill be there, on your back, making sure that you crack....smile urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:5406 2004-12-11T06:51:44Z 2004-12-11T06:51:44Z bob dylan "things have changed" ill never forget the way you felt against my body. the heat. your touch. and your lips left gold across my face. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:5181 2004-12-02T05:41:10Z 2004-12-02T05:43:12Z Wow! I really love explosions in the sky....I have really fell in love with "The Earth is not a cold dead place"...is there hope...<br /><br />As an artist I would like to find a follow artist, to share myself with. As a teacher and a learner. I would like to find a teacher, to learn things with. As a chameleon I would like to find someone that understands me. But time can only tell, and you have to learn to be happy without others. Self-satisfaction is golden. Learn to hold your head high and your mind higher. Strength will not guide the weak. Today, I may just walk on water.ill pray for you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:5055 2004-11-29T06:10:19Z 2004-11-29T06:10:19Z im so scared that my dreams are just going to fail on me...what the fuck im i going to do then? winter is always really bad for me... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:4823 2004-11-25T10:04:23Z 2004-11-25T10:04:23Z i almost cried when i saw that familer face again.....im sorry for everything if anything.....you were there for me when i didnt have someone to be. and im so thankful for everything you have done to help me. thank you for saving a part of me. my heart is curshed from self hatered and im truly sorry that things had to end this way. but hopefully we will meet again....i know in my dreams....it seems to be the only place were we can all get along. if i made you do anything you didnt want to, im sorry. i never meant to hurt you. i loved you. thank you. you helped make things sweet again. things are much more clear now. and i no longer see throw a veil. i wish you could see me now. oh, how much pride would fill up your heart. i was so willing to change my life. wow. im impressed. i truly belived. who was the victim. who holds the shame in there heart and wears it like a badge of honor. who can never erase the memories. <br /><br />i urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:4408 2004-11-24T06:44:19Z 2004-11-24T06:44:19Z "You must be the CHANGE you wish to see in the WORLD" <br />-Gandhi<br /><br />"It is the enemy who can truly teach us to practice the virues of compassion and tolerance." <br />-Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:4112 2004-11-21T06:21:34Z 2004-11-21T06:21:34Z i wonder if after dating someone or hooking up with someone, they think about you? or do they just forget? all those memories that are shared between two people. how could you possibly forget them? even if you wanted to, with all you heart and soul. at least i cant forget and i cant wait until i do. its not fare and i dont like it at all. it so fucked up. can someone explain something to me? i feel like im out of the loop or something. or maybe i just forgot to take my asshole pills today... :) lonely and forgotten, queenie urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:4062 2004-11-11T06:48:05Z 2004-11-11T06:48:05Z You took what was left of my innocence.<br />Rape my mind of graceful thoughts. <br />I’m afraid to sleep but I’m to tired to care. <br />You have crept into my dreams, picked at my heart with a fork.<br />If you could, <br />You would have tried to eat my brain as well. <br />I don’t want to play the victim anymore. <br />I’m not 12.<br />I mold to your disapproval. <br />Trust?<br />Where the fuck did you come from.<br />Prying my heart open with a can opener.<br />I’m human…I feel.<br />And fuck you for not showing emotion.<br />How many times most men hurt me till I realize,<br />I’m meant to be alone.<br />Shapeless and forgotten.<br />My purpose is not so clear anymore.<br />All I have is my organs that choose to let me breathe. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:3838 2004-11-06T03:45:48Z 2004-11-06T03:48:01Z the blue tiles on your bathroom floor will never be forgotten. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:3426 2004-11-04T06:17:27Z 2004-11-04T06:18:55Z today has been a real sad day for everyone. all the people that disliked bush are now going to have to live under his ruling for 4 more fucking years. rubel died today and tick is not doing to good. i know that no one cares about my rats life. but i take a lot of pride in the aniamls that i care for. i cried today when i found his stif body waiting to be apart of earth again. everything that i fall in love with was gone. he left his body and all i hope is that he enjoyed the little time that he had here. today is a day to mourn. i really hope we dont get drafted and that peace will prevail. things happen for reasons that people only hope to understand. goodnight, and i hope to see the sun tomorrow. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:3076 2004-11-01T08:21:57Z 2004-11-01T08:21:57Z I now realize that everything is meant for a reason. I also realize that it is really hard to trust anyone. Humans are extremely selfish and self absorb. No matter how much you think that person is different, they really are just the same. You think you’re an individual but really all you are is a mold. Something made at least a dozen times. I know you lied when you told me why but that’s ok. I'll see your face. As I write this I'm thinking of this PJ song in my head and its kind of turning out kind of cool. I think its interesting the different outlook you get on musicians when you finally get to see them live. After finally seeing PJ my heart blew up like a rip tomato. And I was filled with joy and happiness. Anyways, it’s getting real late but I’m sure there will be another time, when I feel like writing. So, peace and sweet dreams. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:2935 2004-10-24T20:50:18Z 2004-10-24T20:50:18Z Last night was the greatest! I had the biggest orgasm of my life. Seeing Explosions in the Sky was the most amazing high that I have ever felt. But I really owe that feeling to Heather and her bootyliscious self. What would we have done with out that grade A meat. Thank you Explosions for sharing some time with us. You've really have changed my outlook on men that are muscians. I hope I didn't leave to many breads on stage. <br /><br />Stay Golden Ponyboy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:2667 2004-09-12T08:52:18Z 2004-09-12T08:52:18Z COME AS YOU ARE. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:2312 2004-09-09T01:34:24Z 2004-09-09T01:34:24Z I look at you from afar. Wow, what a beautiful face. I can see through your eyes, I see something embedded and deep inside. I wish I could pull this greatness out of you. Maybe am blinded by beauty but I can’t seem to get over those amazing eyes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:2111 2004-09-04T07:05:58Z 2004-09-04T07:05:58Z Is this desire? Is everything I'm feeling just a big whirlpool of thoughts combined into tiny memories and dreams. I wish for to many things...I wish to be happy and share my life with someone lovely and grand...that words would never be able to capture. I dream of finding something supplementary in this world, that will keep me here a little bit longer. Some say I'm to young to dream. And its sad to know that there are such ignorant people out there. Walking around aimlessly, going on with there average well to do life's. I say fuck the ignorant. Its time to educate. But what really is a kick in the ass is when you think you may have found love. And then you turn your head for a silent second and it slaps you in the face. Leaving you with a broken heart and a bruised face. A good friend once told me that its ok to be a silent dreamer. That everything will work itself out. I’ve been patient...I’ve waited my turn. I’ve seen it all, heard it all and have done it all. I’ve broken my internal and have rebuilt the system to many times. When is it my turn to fight, to be loud and not be suppressed in return. Nights are long and days are short. And I’ve never really realized this till now. Everyone is selfish, self absorb, machines, corrupt whores, suits....everyone will sell anyone out, as long as it means a piece of there skin. There really isn't anything human about humans, we seem to have a very animalistic sense. Everyone is rooted in there own garden with a gated fence around each soiled plant. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:1813 2004-09-03T19:23:56Z 2004-09-03T19:26:25Z What is stopping me from not driving my car off a cliff?<br /><br />Look into my familiar face again. <br />Tell me those words that you could never tell me.<br />I’m sorry for all the anger and destruction.<br />Thank you for forgiving me. <br /><br />But really....What is holding me back from just giving up? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:1783 2004-09-01T06:23:16Z 2004-09-01T06:23:16Z Our lives are a projection of our characters. Remember that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:malkaseastar:1477 2004-08-26T21:10:27Z 2004-08-26T21:10:27Z Conflict: Trying to stay alive, trying to find strength when all you feel inside is weakness. <br /><br />Resolution: Remembering what's important and if you hold on a little more...maybe you'll be free.